Last Friday Night...

Somebody recently asked me, "Maren, what have you been up to?"

Well, last Friday night (or rather late afternoon) I went to the movies with myself and this giant peanut butter cookie. We went to see Cabin in the Woods because we heard it was good. In the theater, we were joined by:

• 3 middle aged stoners who had brought their own burritos 
• 2 60-something ladies who messed up their movie times (because fandango lied to them), missed the 155 showing of Mirror Mirror (because it doesn't exist), and got stuck with us (stoners, peanut butter cookie, horror movie masterpiece, and me)

We all had a really good time. Speaking for myself, I think I grew a lot and that is what I've been up to lately.

The Ultimate Christmas Crying List

Some of us are criers. Some of us can’t look at firework spectaculars or watch old people dance without getting choked up. You know what I mean.  Like how when you were in middle school and you would invite all your friends over to watch Steel Magnolias and then you would compete to see who could cry the hardest? No? Just me-ok. The Greeks had a word for this vicarious getting out of your ya-yas: catharsis. The side benefits of this emotional outpouring are numerous. For example, to this very day, I can recite (verbatim) Sally Field’s cemetery monologue, complete with hand gestures and accent. But, more than that, catharsis allows the audience to express, embrace, and release emotion.

Now, where does Christmas come in? Well, this year I have been struggling to find the holiday spirit and this is pretty unusual for me. In fact, lately I’ve been more than a little Scrooge-esque.  So, I am going on a self-imposed crash diet of Christmas catharsis. I am going to re-watch every holiday film that has ever made me cry. If you are likewise struggling to get in the spirit of the season, I strongly recommend the following "So it's the Holidays and I Need to Cry” List.

Sob Inducing Scene #1

Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

Directed by George Seton

Santa Claus (as played by the superb Edmund Gwynn) shows the true magic of Christmas when he is able to communicate with a Dutch orphan. The look on the little girl’s face and then her adoptive mother’s face...Let’s simplify this equation: 

Holocaust survivor + Santa Clause = How am I even typing this I’m crying so hard

Sob Inducing Scene #2

The Bishop's Wife (1947)

Directed by Henry Koster

Cary Grant plays an angel, sent from heaven, to help a bishop (David Niven) realize that instead of building a big, ol’ honking cathedral, he should just focus on the people in his life. Loretta Young plays the, you guessed it, bishop’s wife.  In this scene, angel and wife visit the bishop’s old parish to watch a performance by a group of intercity choir boys. I love how Cary-angel knows everyone’s names, directs musical traffic, and is so gosh darn charming. The moment where the boys rise angelically- cue the musically timed tears.

Sob Inducing Scene #3

White Christmas (1954)

Directed by Michael Curtiz

"What do you do with a general, when he stops being a general?" I love this movie. I have loved White Christmas forever. I love the singing, the dancing, the costumes, Bing Crosby's ears, and Danny Kaye's infectious giggle, but most of all I love Dean Jagger's portrayal of General Waverly. Without him, this movie just wouldn't work. He is the heart of the film. Make sure to also watch the ending scene which parallels this one. You will cry.

Sob Inducing Scene #4

The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

Directed by Brian Henson

It's no secret that I love everything having to do with the Muppets and Michael Caine (aka the best Ebenezer Scrooge ever). But, this next film is more than just muppetry or men with British accents. Jim Henson (the creator of the Muppets) died shortly before the movie was made and many believed, at the time, that his death also marked the end of the Muppets. Muppet Christmas Carol isn't just a beautiful tribute to Jim Henson, it is also proof that what he created would carry on. His son Brian actually directed this film and I can't help but feel that it truly is a love letter to his father.

Sob Inducing Scene #5

Meet Me in St. Louis (1944)

Directed by Vincente Minnelli

Meet Me in St. Louis is not only one of the greatest Christmas movies ever made, it is also one of the greatest movies ever made- period! In this scene, Esther Smith (Judy Garland) is explaining to her younger sister Tootie (Margaret O'Brien) that although they have to move they will still be together. Recognize the song? This film also debuted the song "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." Originally, the lyrics were so depressing that Garland refused to sing them to sweet little Margaret O'Brien. Words were changed and now here we have one of the sweetest scenes ever captured on film.

Sob Inducing Scene #6

It's a Wonderful Life (1946)

Directed by Frank Capra 

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say that they hate a movie that they've never really seen. There are so many people who make fun of this film for being corny, sappy, and yes even schmaltzy. But, this film is nothing short of miraculous in my eyes. It was not a big hit upon its initial release. People went into theaters expecting slapstick and what they got was a man contemplating suicide. This movie is funny and sad, silly and serious, because guess what- that's what life is actually like. The final scene where George Bailey (Jimmy Stewart) decides he wants to live and then that bell rings...all I can say is happy Catharsis Christmas everyone!

Being a person...

        And then one day you’ll decide to be a person...

Not a model

Not a face

Not a quote

Not a catchphrase

Not a relationship

Not a shoe size

Not a measurement

Not a GPA

Not a haircut

Not a status update

Not a picture

Not a dream job

Not a house

Not a formula

Not an everyone

       And that is a good day-

Smorgasbord Monday

Hey, pals. It is unbelievable to me that it's pretty much Thanksgiving. Insane. Here are some internet morsels to complete your Turkey Day feast. 


I don't know about you, but I totally plan to see the The Muppets this weekend. My adoration for Kermit knows no bounds.

via pinterest

So, as you might already know, I have long been obsessed with this video called Marcel The Shell with Shoes On. Of everyone I've ever known, only one person has disliked it. That man was Hitler. Just kidding, but this Marcel-hater-man is a jerk with a mustache fetish. Well, the creators Jenny Slate and Dean Fleischer-Camp recently released a new book and another Marcel video "Marcel the Shell with Shoes On." Watch this and your days will be filled with sunshine and sea shells. My forever quote will be, "Guess why I smile a lot? Cuz it's worth it."

Hyperbole and a Half is the funniest blog in the world (this is not a hyperbole). Allie's cartoons and point-of-view are just the thing for any sort of occasion, whether it be quirky, delightful, or even mischievous (as so many occasions are). My favorite story has to be "How a Fish Almost Destroyed my Childhood." Take a gander.

via Hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com




I've been doing a lot of driving lately and this one song (Otis Redding's "Try a Little Tenderness) has seen me through quite a few stoplights and traffic jams. Whenever I'm belting it out at top volume, while driving down the highway of life, I can't help but think of this scene from Pretty in Pink. There is no doubt in my mind that John Hughes was a genius and I am team Duckie all the way!

I hope you all have a week full of friends, family, and copious amounts of turkey. Myself, I am thankful for the incredible people in my life, and the Marcel the Shells, the Fish Friends, the Duckies, the Muppets, and the ever present possibility of breaking into song.

An Ashland Addiction, Part I

On the road to Ashland...

In the past few months, frice have I been to Ashland, Oregon. 

Frice = Four times. 

I know. I really lucked out what with my skill for making up silly words and my love for travel. So, the next few posts you will see from me will be Ashland centered because I really love this place and it gives me the chance to use the word frice more than frice times. Oh, also, I did not go alone (because that would be sad). I got to go to Ashland with my wonderful friends the Callaghan/Rhoads family (trip #2). Plus, I got to go to Ashland with my equally delightful friends Jackie of Bread Butter & Jam(trip #1, 4) and Matt(trip #4).

Why you should love Ashland, Oregon:

It is beautiful, like fairyland beautiful, all year round. When you get to Ashland, which you will, take a hike through Lithia Park. You can't miss it, just follow the creek into the crotch of the hillside (my mother's description, not mine). The park was designed by the same man who designed Golden Gate Park. Lithia is not so much a park as a magical meeting place for trees and deer.

It is a cultural mecca. Each year, the Oregon Shakespeare Festival offers 8 and-a-half months of some of the best theatre you will ever see. There are three theaters total (including a huge outdoor Elizabethan stage). I got to see several shows that were amazing (and yes, one or two that I wasn't so pleased with...turns out, dream sequences really freak me out). But, honestly, at OSF, you will laugh, you will cry, you will leave a better person. GO.

It's a breakfast town. You know what I mean. Have you ever been to a place and thought to yourself, "It's nice, but where could a girl get her pancake on around here?" I totally judge towns based on their breakfast/brunch possibilities. Ashland has tons of great places to break your fast: Morning Glory's, The Breadboard, Brothers. They are all scrumptious.

A Bear Totally Ate This Pancake @ Morning Glory's

I tried to convince my sister Hayley that we should do one shot where we were staring with adoration at each other, but she said that would be creepy...typical

Morning Conversation: My mom had just told Jackie how as a child (my mother) had a friend who was allergic to green beens and so for entertainment, they used to pay this girl to eat green beans and then they would watch her face sweat.

Shopping. You know I love it and there are so many delightful shops in this town. The total winner though: Prize. Every time I take a friend up to Ashland, I tell them, "There is a shop. It is a place where you will forever be happy and you will fantasize about being locked here over night. In that night, you will eat candy, read wonderful books, and sleep on the softest of blankets. This place is called Prize and it is a gift from the shopping gods. Go there, my friend. Find your prize."

The Interior of the Magical Place known as "Prize"

Did I mention they sell vintage flashcards? Cuz they do.

They also have "the best gummi bears" and Prize don't lie!

There are other nice shops too. For example:

PAPAYA LIVING

Yes, I bought this dress because I love it and it makes me feel like a beautiful fruit salad. So there!

I did not buy this scarf, although it did remind me of the final scene in Auntie Mame...

How cute is Jackie during her shopping break? She's just a photo shoot waiting to happen!

There are so many fun activities. Time to segway (ahem) to activities in the surrounding areas. For example, you can go to the little town of Jacksonville and ride...wait for it...segways. How do I put this? It was the most fun ever. Segways will totally fulfill your lifelong hopes of riding on a broomstick (hey, some of us saw Hocus Pocus at a critical age). Oh, and you get to wear some very chic helmets. Thanks Segway of Jacksonville. We had a whirly-gig of a good time!

Dad & I with our matching helmets

Time to train in the art of segway. Loving the quiet determination on the faces of John, Dad, and Matt. 

Adorable Rhoads couple (Matt + Claire) all ready to get on the road! Make sure to check out openrhoads.com :)

Smorgasbord Monday

Hello, peoples of the world. Let's get to this thing called Monday.


In modern life, there are so many wonderful different types of wrecks: ship, car, emotional, etc. But, my favorite kind of wreck would have to be of the baking variety. I just discovered cakewrecks.com and I spend my days giggling at inappropriate pastries. Here is one of my favorites:

via cakewrecks.com

I consider it my lifelong curse that I was not born British or taller. Liam Neeson is both and Liam Neeson has also long been seen as an underrated comedic genius and list maker. At least, that's the way Liam Neeson sees it. Check out this scene from Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchants' new BBC mocumentary: Life's Too Short

You know how everything comes back to Disney? Well, whoever worked on this next video is a genius. Now, I do not like the film Sin City. Quite frankly, I think it's a misogynistic ball of crap indicative of a machismo culture that characterizes its women as prostitutes deserving of mistreatment and disdain. But, if you like it, that's totally cool. No judgement... Stepping off my soapbox, this video is impressive. I like it. A lot.

Have a great week everyone and may it be filled with disastrous cakes, Liam Neeson, and dangerous mice.

My Ridiculous Nook Meltdown

I haven’t written in a while. My excuses are numerous, but my main raison d’(not) etre is that times have been genuinely cruddy. The high point of my weekend was eating an entire pumpkin and then performing an autobiographical-cabaret-number on my sister’s message machine. She was at a party with friends and I was in my flannel pjs singing lyrics like, “Hey there, little sister. I don’t want to get a blister from all the times I’ve called you and you haven’t called me back. I kind of miss yer, little sister. Did you watch tv today? Cause I did.” Oh, to be young and to be alive. Someday, I’ll write down my pitiful grievances, but not today, mostly because they would make me seem highly petty and incredibly stupid. Basically, the last few weeks have been a blur, and not the good kind.

We’ll jump to today. My dad (who really is a wonderful dad) recently gave me his nook. Turns out, he prefers real books and he is also the most generous of men. I have to say this because it’s true and also because I’m not going to look so hot in a few seconds.

I had been reading some blogs about autoimmune disorders (it was that kind of weekend) and I discovered these self-help books targeted towards unhappy people with thyroid disorders. I was reading up on Amazon about how these books had changed the lives of dozens of sluggish people and I just thought to myself, “I MUST read these books. I must read them now. I know...NOOK!”

I grabbed my old Barnes & Noble gift certificates from two Christmases ago. Now, was the time. This was my moment.

I went on to B & N, created an account, and bought the books faster than you can say “impulse purchase.” Then, I tried to transfer the books to the Nook and they wouldn’t go. They would NOT go. I started to panic, just a little.

Me: Dad, I bought these important books and now I can’t load them on the Nook. They won’t take. They won’t hold. They won’t latch on. They’re not thriving. They like won’t imprint or echo or pass through to the other side. So,I guess what I’m asking is should I just press the nook up to the computer screen? Or do I use a cord? Or a USB? Or do they just wirelessly register across the room into the nook? Like they naturally migrate...like swallows. Should I open a window or a door? Or do I need to create another account to load from my account to your account? Should I turn everything off? Or should I turn everything on? Should I turn it off and then on really fast? Or should I push both the on and the off buttons at the same time? Or, should I move it in a figure 8 motion? Should I give it space or time? Because I could take a walk and check back in. Should I blow the entry port for dust? Because I already did that. Twice.

Dad: I don’t know. I just always buy the books on the nook.

Me: I didn’t know that was an option.

Dad: Yup. I have no idea what you should do now.

Me: Well...I HAD A GIFT CERTIFICATE!!! (pause) I FAIL AT LIFE!!! 

(Maren runs down hallway sobbing and clutching the Nook)

5 hours later...after searching Google with key terms like:

-Trouble downloading ebook from B & N site to Nook

-Trouble transferring ebook purchase to Nook

-Trouble downloading stupid ebook to the   stupid Nook

-The many ways Nooks suck and how to fix them

-Oprah is a know-it-all

-I hate the Nook...help!

-I hate the Nook...and I hate my life...help?

-I hate

I finally figured it out and it was really stupid and I had to hop through more hoops than a cat in a cat circus. In nook-speak, my file had the wrong name. So,I re-named it: “ihatenook.epub.”  Yes, I had a complete break down over the fact that I wasn’t able to download digital books about stress management and read them off a magic tablet.  But, I was finally able to download the books ironically entitled You Can Heal Your Life and You Can Create an Exceptional Life. I think I already have. I am a wackadoo. That is life and it’ll get better and it’s already pretty good.

I started reading the introduction to one of the books and it’s talking about how our minds create drama and conflict and I’m thinking, “Mmmmm...I don’t know anyone like that...”

Smorgasbord Monday

Good Monday to you all! I cannot wait to share some of the internet gems I stumbled upon over the last week. Let's begin!

(via ritzybee)

I love both the style and the sentiment of this work of art created by artist Becky Murphy. She even does custom wood designs...mmmm...now I know what I'm getting everyone for Christmas. Somebody grab me my saw!

(via google images)

Julia Child was and is the embodiment of sheer fearless joy. In many ways she reminds me of my Grandma Glenna (a ballsy dame if ever there was one). I recently re-watched Julie & Julia. I wasn't crazy about it when I saw it at the theatre, but once at home, I just fast forwarded through all the modern bits and focused on vintage Julia. Voila! It was the best movie ever. So when I saw this post, "10 Career Lessons by Julia Child," I knew I had to share it with you. Bon appetit!


Last, but absolutely not-least, we have "Lily's Disneyland Surprise." This little lady is turning 6 and she's about to find out that she's going to Disneyland. I love everything about this video, but my favorite part has to be when she gets so excited that she forgets when her birthday is. Seriously, Disney should use this as an ad. WATCH and DELIGHT:

(via huffingtonpost.com)

I think we could all take a lesson from Lily and get crying-excited once in a while. So, here's to a Monday filled with childish-chef-tree-wisdom and maybe a few happy tears.